good weekend

He's back, well he never physically went anywhere but for a while now C has really been here. This years C has gone back to school to do post grad studies part time and working full. In theory he his suppose to have time off to study unfortunatly his work load hasn't decressed at all so while he has had the time off to attend lectures he has more often than not had to make up that time after hours to get the work done, its made this year a hard one.

But Friday was C's last exams for the year, we are home free until Febuary. Yes we, I know he's the one doing the study but that kind of work takes a huge investment of time and energy, and in a relationship everyone is making sacrifies and changes. Its definatly made me appreciate what he goes through with my crazy/unpredicable work hours - creative customer service work the hours can he long and hard and now I understand how it effect him alot more.

The point is I get C back now, happy relaxed not stressed out C.

We had a busy but great weekend this weekend, movies, dress fittings, grandparents, lots of honeymoon planning and wedding organising and catching up on some much needed sleep. I'm much more excited about these last few weeks in the lead up to the wedding now I have C back with me.

Feeling guilty

Ok so I'm feeling a little guilty at the moment. C and I received our 1st No's to the wedding and I have to admit I was a little excited, not because I didn't want these people at the wedding, far from it I was sad that they couldn't come. The realisation that I am about to get married and say my vows in front of a lot people has set in. I have maintain during the entire process that I want a small wedding and while 80 people is small to a lot of people it still seems huge to me. Let 80 people into a very personal, private and emotion moment is a bit scary.

Everyone I have invited I want at the wedding but at the same time there is a little part of me that is happy when people say no and the wedding becomes smaller. I can't help it and I feel bad but letting people into something so important is hard, and I think I have to struggle with it a little longer before I feel 100% comfortable.

Reminder

Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

Because we aren't perfect and we all need to be reminded from time to time. We owe it to all our love ones (not just our better halfs), and hopefully they return it. I have to admit I'm not always so good with the patience, bearing and enduring and I can get a bit irritable and resentful, but I'm working on it - we ALL need to work on something right.

Not talking about anything in particluar, we've just been working on the ceremony, and its been a nice reminder of whats important.

YEAH

Just a quick one today, been super busy at work this week, and the last 3 weeks have been so hectic I've been out almost every night and all weekend, all I want to do is sleep. I've been falling a little behind my schedule for wedding stuff to I need to pick up my game so I'm not running around manic next week. This week has been made harder cause C is away thankful he's back tomorrow morning at 6am yeah, but our weekend is jam packed so we aren't going to get much time to catch up :(

Strangely this week with C away, I've found it easier to put some of my thought into words and made a start to my vows. Its hard work to write some like that, something so emotional and its harder still that you know people will be listening in hearing our private thanks yous, promises and I love you moments.

Another good thing my paper arrive, very exciting, my production manager was able to get it for free for me, he's the best. Now I just have to find a bit of time to sit down and finish the invites off.

So pretty, image by our labour of love

loving every minute

I hear a lot of people say planning a wedding is horrible and just wish it would hurry up and be over, I have to say I don't really feel like that, I mean there are defiantly moments, when things are going wrong or people are wanting or expecting thing I don't really have time or desire for. Those are the times I wish the wedding would go away and C and I would elope and get married on the beach me wearing a cute cotton sun dress and C shorts and an white shirt, bare foot, afterward we would jump on a boat and eat heaps and heaps of fresh seafood on the deck over looking some amazing tropical location.

Anyway I digress, what I'm getting at is that I really have enjoyed this process. Working on the ceremony, planning our future, the house the travel the way we'll be as we get older. I really have enjoyed thinking about our family/friends and guest and what they would like during the day/weekend and what things C and I love that we could share with them, things we'd all get a kick out of. Not to mention I love lots of beautiful detail and i have loved hunting around thinking of lots creative ways to entertain and decorate.

But I think one of the reasons I've enjoyed the process so much more than other people I know is because if unimportant things get too hard, too time consuming, to overwhelming, to expensive, I just don't do it. I've had heaps of good idea that aren't going to make an appearance on my wedding day - and I'm sure I'm not going to look back and be sad about it. I'm pretty sure the night before the wedding when C and I are out to dinner I look around and think I'm luck to have everyone, I'm luck C and I focused on us and I'm glad I'm going home to sleep not finish projects. And I think one the day when I see everything come together I'll be glad I put the effort in to what is there, I'll be glad dad and I spent the time together learning and make vase. I'm sure I'll smile when I see the kids eyeing the lolly bar (I'll probably join them in over indulging). I'll be happy with the fact what we have done is meaningful for us.

Its getting close and I'm getting excited.

head wear...

I don't get it. Why when people get married do they feel the need to wear something on their head. It seems people feel the need to have something on their heads, if they don't wear a veil they have a fascinator, a hat, fresh flowers, a garland, headbands or hair jewellery. I know sometimes it finishes off the outfit or is part of a tradition they feel is important but I struggle to see why people feel they must have something in their hair, and stress over what to have. I'd love to see more people shun the bridal head wear, if its not right for you let your hair be naked I say.

Full discloser: I'm not going to be going naked, I'm going to wear a birdcage veil over my eyes, no feathers or flowers, probably just a brooche to hide the combs. Why, not because I feel I feel I have to wear something on my head but because it finishes off the look I'm after. I really want a vintage old world glam look.

Drew rocked the veil like the one I will make, though I think it will be a little smaller, only about halfway down my nose. Image found on www.dailymakeover.com

Anyway the reason I bring this up is because my MOH really wants to wear something in her hair, (she all has a desire to make everything matching). So what to do, I don't want to tell her not to wear something in her hair if she wants to but I don't want her to dress everyone up in matching head bands that look great on a 12 years but not so chic on a 25 year old and it needs to suit the outfits, I really don't want it to look out of place.

So now I'm searching for cool head wear, I never thought I'm be doing this, worrying about headwear... for bridesmaids. Anyone got any ideas.

Make pretty picture

Contrary to populate belief designers don't sit around drawing pretty pictures all day, but I have to say, it would be cool if I did. and I'd have a desk with lots of colourful pens, pencils, and lots of pretty paper. but I don't think school kid pays every well, but working hours rule.

Image from www.ohmydeerhandmades.blogspot.com

Lesson learnt

Ignore what ever anyone tells you, forgot how much faster the phone is, email is the best form of communication when dealing with vendors. That way you have everything in writing and can solve arguments and problems when they come up. if you have face to face conversations with people go home and write a follow up email to them about what was covered and agreed.

I have almost all my communication in writing, expect... (more on that later, still working) very frustrating. Lesson learnt, I'm not going to make that mistake again.

it happens to everyone

Everyone will as some point in the planning process will come up against a major issue.

I think I've just got mine. Its not pleasant, its got my stomach in knots and my mind racing 1000 m/h trying to find a solution. I've tried so hard not to get my heart set on anything for the wedding incase things go wrong and I can't have them. I only let myself get excited about things when we are booked/done ready to go, that why it is so disappointing to think its not going to work. It seems crazy that I'm getting so upset and worried, at the end of the day C and I will still get married and we'll still be surrounded my our nearest and dearst, but that silly person inside that says "but its my wedding and I really want it" I don't like that little person and I will overcome it if/when need but for the moment C and I are negotiating hard and coming up with backup plans. I'm just hopping we can figure something out.

I'm just think it would be good if this is our only wedding crisis, it would work out nicely to have it over and done with earlier in the game, rather than the week/weekend of the wedding, that would be a really good silver linning.

I know this is very criptic but I don't want to put anything negative out their until I have attempted everything to fix it every way I know how.

Slowing down

Things have been a little busy of late and its been making it hard to enjoy the planning process, so I've slowed down. I fully intended on getting back up to speed when other things slow down a bit, the wedding is just 5hrs of my life and I'm not so obsessed with planning small details that I'm going to wear myself down and get stressed out. I'm still getting things done, thinking and planning things but just not running around all weekend doing wedding stuff and working on a new project every night. 

Its actually been really nice, its given C and I a chance to think and talk more about the really important stuff for the wedding... the ceremony. I know food, decorations, flowers, dress and shoes can seem hugely important when your the vacuum that is the wedding world, but none of that really matter. Slowing down has reminded me what I'm doing, I'm marry C, we are starting a new journey, building a life together. So C and I have started working on our ceremony and I'm getting really excited, it will be a long process and I'm thinking pretty emotional but really rewarding. 

So for now I'm in slow motion, working on the important stuff and trying my best to keep everything in perspective.